The Zoe
by xcountrygurlx
Summary: My twist on How I Met Your Mother's The Robin. Zoe finds Wade's steps of how to win her back, for good.
1. Step 1

Zoe's P.O.V.

My hands shook as I swiped the piece of paper off the floor of the Gazebo. My eyes darted to the flowers that were set up inside, and the lights that were gleaming from the bushes. There were tears in my eyes, but they fell on the paper that was now shaking in my hands.

_THE ZOE_

_Step #1: Admit to yourself that you still have feelings for this girl._

My mind raced back to four months ago, when I was breaking up with Joel.

"Zoe you just have to do it! You don't love him!" Wade chuckled as he said it. I rolled my eyes.

"It's not that easy Wade! He's a nice guy, I don't want to crush him."

"I hate to say it Big Z, but Wade's right. You need to dump Joel. You're just stringing him along at this point. He deserves better and so do you." Lavon threw in his two cents while eating his cereal.

"I'll do it alright! I just need to do it the right way." I said, frustrated. They had been pestering me about breaking up with Joel ever since I admitted that I was getting annoyed with him.

"Do it today, you need to do it as soon as possible." Wade instructed, pulling my phone out of my purse.

_Joel, meet me at Butterstick at noon? Need to talk. _

He typed, but I didn't stop him. I was dreading breaking his heart, but I wasn't happy. I missed being single and I needed to focus on my life right now.

"Gee thanks, now I have until noon to figure out how to tell him that he should pack up and go back to New York." I rolled my eyes again and picked my purse up from the counter and left. I made my way to the practice and busied myself with work until it was 11:45. I sighed before making my way to the Butterstick. I grabbed a table and waited for him to arrive. Things with Joel and I hadn't been very serious, but he was my first boyfriend since Wade. He was more of a placeholder to keep myself from going back to Wade. But I had eventually fallen out of love with Wade, and Joel was no longer needed. He walked through the door and saw me immediately.

"Hey babe." He kissed me quickly before taking the seat across from me.

"Hey." I trailed off.

"So what was so important?" He asked, picking up a menu.

"Oh, that, um. Well we have plenty of time to talk about that later. I just, well, how was your day?"

"Pretty boring I guess. I tried to write, but I gotta tell you, I can't write well down here."

"Oh, well maybe it just takes some time to get used to?"

"Yeah, maybe."

"So what's on your mind?" He asked me when Wade burst threw the door.

"Wade, what're you doing?" I asked him as he stormed over to our table.

"I love you Zoe." He deadpanned as he leaned cross the table. I stood up to reprimand him.

"Look, he doesn't love me, he's just trying-" I tried to explain to Joel before Wade interrupted me.

"I love everything about her. And I am not a guy who says that lightly. I am a guy who has faked love his entire life. I thought love was just something idiots thought they felt, but this woman has a hold on my heart that I couldn't break if I wanted to. And there have been times that I've wanted to. But I could not stop loving her anymore than I could stop breathing. It has been overwhelming, but humbling and painful at times, I am hopelessly, irretrievably in love with her. More than she knows." He shouted and everyone in the restaurant heard him. Joel was a bit taken aback by his expression since he and Wade were friends.

"Wow, um, Zoe, what is he talking about?"

"It's not her fault, she didn't know. I just had to let you both know before you went any farther in your relationship. I needed her to know that."

"Zoe, I hate to say it, but it seems like Wade really loves you. And I want you to be with a guy that can make you happy and that loves you that much, and I don't think that guy is me." Relief washed over me when he said that.

"I understand." I said slowly as he kissed me softly and then left the Butterstick. I reluctantly grabbed my purse and made my way to the Rammer Jammer. I spotted Wade immediately.

"What the hell was that?" I hissed through my teeth.

"Relax Doc, you weren't going to put the poor guy out of his misery, so I just sped up the process." He poured me a glass of wine and I took a seat on a barstool.

"I guess you're right."

"You know, a thank you would be nice."

"Thank you Wade Kinsella for professing your fake love to me to convince my boyfriend to move back to New York. I really owe you one." I gave him a sarcastic smile before downing my wine and heading home for the day. I chuckled slightly, shaking my head as I walked home. It was good to have the old Wade back again.


	2. Step 2

I smiled at the first memory, but my mind was quickly jumping to the second step.

_Step #2: Choose the completely wrong moment to make a drunken move…And get shot down on purpose._

"Wade are you working tonight?" I asked him at breakfast one morning.

"Only until six, why?" He looked up from his toast.

"Because I want to get drunk tonight, and I figure that it's a little pathetic to get drunk alone. And it's free when I drink with the owner. What do you say?"

"Why not? I need to get god and drunk, it's been a while."

"You two are certifiably insane." Lavon shook his head, not looking up from his newspaper.

"I'll meet you at the Rammer Jammer at six." I said before leaving the kitchen.

I treated two cases of poison ivy, a broken arm, a wart removal, and a common cold all before I went to the Rammer Jammer.

"Hey bartender, pour me a drink. God knows I need one." I joked as I sat at the bar. He glanced up at me and smiled before pouring me a glass of wine.

"Oh no, I'm getting hammered tonight, get me some good stuff." I said, also accepting the wine.

"Well my dear, pick your poison."

"Give me tequila. Let's do shots!" I got excited, knowing he wouldn't be able to resist my charm. He smiled and got two shot glasses. He joined me on the opposite side of the bar. We started with one shot, which turned into two, which turned into 12.

"Waaaaaaaade! Come dance!" I said, practically falling off my seat. I stumbled onto the open floor. There weren't many people left in the bar, but the ones that were left were watching us.

"Lady you know I don't dance." He slurred from his seat at the bar, pointing at me.

"But we're drunk and that's an excuse for everything!" I said as I started to dance. He reluctantly joined me on the dance floor. Looking back on it, we made fools of ourselves that night.

"Alright, let's get you home girl." He said, throwing me over his shoulder when I was noticeably near passing out.

"I don't want to go home! I want to stay out all night!" I shouted.

"It's 2 in the morning! The Rammer Jammer's closing, but I promise, if you want to do this again sometime, we'll go to New Orleans sometime and really stay out all night." He told me as he put my shoes on.

"I'll hold you to that Cowboy." I winked and he helped me stand up. We decided it would be more responsible to walk home, so we went, leaning on each other the whole way home.

"AND I WOULD WALK A THOUSAND MILES, IF I COULD JUST SEE YOU….TONIGHT!" I sang at the top of my lungs and he cracked up.

"You're going to wake people up! And I'm gonna be the one who gets in trouble!" Wade shushed me, but I was laughing too hard to pay attention to what he was saying. My foot hit a root and I stumbled; my arms flailing for support. He grabbed one of my arms and I steadied myself. We were approaching my place and he helped me up the porch steps.

"Thanks for drinking with me tonight. And helping me temporarily forget how much of a shitshow my life is."

"Anytime Doc, you know I don't need an excuse to go drinking with a pretty girl." He winked before turning away.

"Hey Wade?" I asked, fiddling for my keys.

"Yeah?" He turned back around.

"I really mean it, thanks." He lingered for a few seconds, before moving in. At first, I leaned in too, but then I pulled back quickly.

"Oh, um, I'm sorry, I didn't mean."

"No problem Doc, just forget it." He squeezed my hand and then smiled before turning back to his house. I watched as he went on his deck and into his house, turning off his lights, leaving me alone in the dark.


	3. Step 3

I took a deep breath as my mind tried to process all of this information. I dared myself to read the next step.

_Step #3: __Agree that you two don't work, locking the door on any future you could have together, which will drive Zoe nuts._

I was left in the gazebo a bit dumfounded. He had done all of this on purpose. To make me angry. All of this was some cruel joke to him.

FLASHBACK:

I walked into the bar at 10 the next morning, but I didn't want to. Wade had tried to make a move last night, and I guess I had reciprocated it, but that made things awkward. He didn't want me, he was just drunk and bored. He was a womanizer, he had his playbook of ways to get women. The mere fact that he had put the time and energy to make his different ways to get a woman into a book was disgusting, Wade wasn't the guy for me anymore, and I was here to tell him that.

"What's up Doc?" Wade yelled from the bar when I walked through the door.

"I need to talk to you." I sauntered over to him.

"Can it wait five minutes until my break?"

"Sure." I responded cheekily. I sat at the bar until he finished serving a table. He through the dishrag over his shoulder and came to join me at the bar.

"What can I do for you?"

"I want to talk about last night."

"Oh, you know what Doc, we were drunk, it's no big deal."

"Yes it is. You obviously still have feelings for me and I don't want that to get in the way of our friendship. We just got back to normal, and I don't think it's a good idea for us to get involved again." He laughed once I said that.

"Doc, I'm not interested in getting involved with you," he chuckled.

"We were drunk, and by the way, you've got to get off your high horse, always thinking that people want to be with you. I wasted an entire year on you, waiting for you to come back, and then waiting for you to break up with Joel. I'm done chasing you Zoe because I know you'll never want me back." He smiled, not trying to be mean, but still succeeding in hurting my feelings.

"Alright…I guess we're done here." I stood up and grabbed my purse, not daring to look him in the eye.

"Zoe, wait!" He called, but I left the Rammer Jammer. Tears brimmed my eyes, but I quickly wiped them away. I made my way to the practice; I was not going to give Wade the satisfaction of making me have a bad day.

I saw a few patients before noon when there was a knock at my office door.

"Come in." I said, not looking up from my paperwork.

"Hey Doc, are you busy?"

"For you? Yes." I deadpanned, not looking up.

"Just give me five minutes? I want to explain."

"I'll give you two and I'm not promising anything." I remarked.

"Just hear me out?"

I didn't respond.

"I'm sorry for what I said earlier, I didn't mean for it to come out that way, and I'm sorry if I came off as mean. It's just, I have finally started to move on, and I know that you and I don't have a chance anymore. We aren't good together; you know it, I know it. We can't keep doing this back and forth thing. So let's just move on for good." He said softly. I rolled my eyes.

"Alright, let's start by you getting out of my office." I said, not looking up from the paperwork in front of me. He didn't say a word, but got up slowly and shut the door behind him.

I immediately whipped out my cell phone and dialed Lavon.

"Hey Big Z, what's up?"

"Lavon, can you come down here?" I said, almost in tears.

"Yeah, what's wrong?"

"Just come down here, please." And with that, I hung up the phone. He arrived five minutes later, looking worried.

"What happened?"

"Wade told me that we are done forever. He acted like he deserved better than me, and that I wasn't and never would be good enough for him. The way he said it was so disappointing. I don't even know why I'm upset, I know it's stupid, but I just feel like crap now. I don't even like Wade, so I don't know why it matters so much."

"I think because you dated the guy for a while, and things ended badly, which made you angry at him, but now that the anger is gone, you still have some feelings for him, so it sucked when he basically said that he has none for you"

"I guess, I don't know, I hate him now. I know that for sure."

"Zoe, I promise you, Wade Kinsella will never move on from Zoe Hart, that's just a fact of life. He's just ignoring his feelings. He'll come around, don't worry." Lavon consoled.

"He just knows how to make me so mad!" I yelled, almost laughing at how absurd I must sound. Wade and I weren't anything, and never would be again, so I don't know why I was acting so nuts.

"You'll both figure it out Zoe, I promise."


	4. Step 4

As I read the next step on his list, I could feel my anger growing.

_Step #4: Zoe goes nuts._

FLASHBACK:

Wade had made me so angry last week by saying that we were done for good, and acting like he was better than me that I decided to play a bit of a game myself. I had been dressing in my shortest dresses and skirts all week, and going by the Rammer Jammer frequently to make sure he noticed. He didn't seem to have much of a reaction at first, but I had a few things up my sleeve to get him all hot and bothered and then pull the rug out from under him and make him realize that I was the best thing he ever had, and he will never get anyone better than me.

"Whatcha need Doc?" Wade asked before opening his door one night. It was almost midnight and I was standing outside his door in a short towel and nothing else.

"I was wondering if I could borrow a towel. I'm going swimming in the lake since it's so hot out here. Hell I'm only wearing this and I'm sweating. This heat wave makes people do crazy things. But I need a bigger towel, seeing as this one covers so little of me." I said innocently and I could practically hear his jaw hit the floor as he looked me over.

"Uhh, um, yeah, sure, let me get one." He said before turning around and running into a side table. I giggled and he blushed. He returned a few seconds later with a towel in his hands.

"Thank you so much, I really owe you one. Wait, here, just take this one, that way you can remember to ask for this one back." I said before daringly removing my towel, revealing my naked body. I acted so nonchalant about it, grabbing the towel from his hands.

"Thanks again Wade." I winked at him before turning around and walking down his steps, leaving him speechless.

I left the towel on the riverbank and dove in. After a few minutes I saw his bathroom light flick on, which was the only room that had a window facing the lake. I knew he was watching me, and I smiled. I had finally gotten him to realize what he was missing out on.

After about a half hour, I climbed out of the lake, slowly, to make sure that he got a good look at me. I wrapped his towel around my body and slowly made my way back to my house. I quickly put on a short, sheer nightgown and touched up my makeup and made my way back over to his place.

Once again, I knocked on the door.

"Sorry to impose again, but I think my air conditioning is out, and it's like 900 degrees at my place. Lavon's already asleep, do you mind if I crash on your couch?" I said seductively, but making sure to not overplay it.

"Uh, I guess, yeah, sure." He said, not making eye contact with me. I knew he probably could tell that I was doing this on purpose, but he had to know that that is what he had coming for him since he had said that he was over me. He awkwardly let me in, and I moved past him, letting him get a good view of my butt.

"Here are some blankets, you might get a little cold in that, that uh…" He just pointed to my nightgown.

"I think I'll be just fine, but thanks." I smiled sweetly at him and sat down on his couch. My mind was racing, thinking about how only God knows what kind of diseases I'm going to get from sleeping on this couch.

"Thanks so much Wade. Let me know if there is any way I can thank you for this." I said before he turned the lights off and went into his room. I huffed a little, kind of disappointed that he wasn't going to beg me to sleep with him. Even though I wouldn't have said yes, I still would have accomplished my goal.

I could hear him tossing and turning all night, so to say that I didn't sleep that well either was an understatement. It made me happy though that he couldn't sleep all because I was sleeping on his couch. He finally emerged around 9 to find me making coffee.

"Uhh, Doc, can I ask you a question?" He asked nervously. I nodded, playing innocent.

"What's the deal here? What are you trying to do?"

"What do you mean?" I shrugged, pouring myself a cup of coffee.

"This whole act. This isn't you; the naked swimming, and the staying at my place. I know your air isn't out because mine would be too."

"It was hot out, like you said I believe, the heat wave makes you do more daring things, so I went swimming, and you can go check my air conditioning unit, it's not working." I said, praying that he wouldn't because my air conditioning was fine.

"Whatever you say, I just hope this has nothing to do with what I said the other day."

"Wade, you're reading way too much into this. I agree with you, we're over, and that's fine with me. I'm just trying to avoid the heat." I shrugged again, taking my mug and leaving his house. I played it cool, but I had to admit to myself once I was outside that I was embarrassed. I had taken it too far and he had noticed. Now I felt like a fool, no matter how much I played it off, and even if he believed me, I had still gone too far. I was officially a loser. Why was I doing crazy things to win Wade over? I didn't even want him anymore, my ego was just hurt because he said he didn't want me.

I went back into my house and sulked for the rest of the day.


End file.
